Paul Danan, formerly of vacuous tea time treat Hollyoaks, was briefly the undisputed king of the world in 2005/2006, when he lit up the screen in the reality mega-hit: Celebrity Love Island.
Excitable and unstable, Paul endeered himself to the nation by lustfully coveting the affections of seemingly every single girl he saw... perhaps most dazzlingly when he showed off his skills as an urban lyricist for Australian model, Emily.
http://tinyurl.com/yhcz8ze
Sure Paul, it's your English twang doing your rap a disservice. Otherwise, it's dynamite.
Capitalising on his lothario status, ratings behemoth ITV2 swooped for Danan to present Test Drive My Girlfriend. In it, he mostly sat in a room watching a monitor feed of a catostrophic attempt from a socially awkward man to woo a slightly less socially awkward woman. Pauses in proceedings occur only when our host tells the camera how much he would like to sleep with said woman.
Evidently, the show was viewed by so few people that there are no clips to be found anywhere obvious on the internet, other than this pithy, yet glamorous intro sequence.
http://tinyurl.com/ykw7yz9
Danny Dyer is a mainstay of lazily written British cinema. Cheeky and loveable, he seems to have carved out a career for himself, mainly by virute of being from East London, and talking like a scamp.
Here is what happens when you point a camera at him and ask him to talk.
http://tinyurl.com/yj6dxgy
He also pens a weekly column for high brow Zoo magazine, in which he recently told of an angry run in with celebrity Dwarf, Verne Troyer:
"The little fella couldn't give a f**k about the people being given awards and spent the entire time on his BlackBerry. The thing looked like a laptop next to him! Anyway, he left halfway through, but not before he'd tried cracking on to my missus! I didn't know what to do... I can't give a midget a slap, can I? So, I decided to have a 'little' word with him.
Get it? 'Little' word. Because Verne is a dwarf, and they are little, innit. You nonce.
They are both heroes, and need to be on the nation's screens more often; permanently in fact. Refer to the title of this post for a startlingly simple TV format idea. Channel 4 might get on board, and two years down the line, cult status secured, Dave could show repeats in the daytime. Students would lap it up.
It's pretty much a license to print money.
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